My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
