How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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