she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
