Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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