Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
