Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
