So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
