Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
