He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
