I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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