I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
