i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
