I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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