I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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