I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can u get pink eye on your cock?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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