when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
