i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
