You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
