I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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