Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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