i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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