Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
