Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
