my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
