we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
