This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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