There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
