i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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