I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
