she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Two words: blizzard sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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