i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
