Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
