the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
