I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
