How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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