True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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