I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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