when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize