i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
