she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
