im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
