If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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