Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
