But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
