I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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