i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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