I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
