every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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