They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can text with my tongue
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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