Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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