Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize