so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
