During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
