I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
