K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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