I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
this is an emotional support booty call
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
