im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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