Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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