im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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