she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
