and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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