My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
