I am in a vortex of obligation.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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