I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
