Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
