I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize