she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
