Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
